Control Your Children - DA** IT!!!

Pardon me for a moment while I rant and rave. If I had overheard any of the names of the adults involved, I would gladly print them in full. Unfortunately, that information did not come to light.

I like to eat out. I enjoy taking my children out to restaurants and spending time with the family while somebody else does the cooking and cleaning.

I expect a certain level of behavior from my children. I do not allow them to sprawl across their seats. I do not allow them to throw food or scream or pitch fits, even when it takes FOREVER for our food to arrive.

I would like to think that other parents are capable of maintaining some level of control over their children when they bring said children into public. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.

So.... here is what I have determined.

If you allow your TEN YEAR OLD CHILD to sprawl across the booth that is between my table and yours, putting his feet in the vicinity of my table where my FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD is sitting quietly trying to eat her food, then I will not react if my darling angel decides to poke her fork into YOUR child's leg because he is invading her space with his DIRTY, NASTY feet.

In fact, I may even encourage my child to poke her fork into your child's leg, because HIS FEET DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE NEAR MY CHILD, AND CERTAINLY NOT NEAR MY TABLE.

Now, I will grant you that IHOP is a fairly relaxed atmosphere where certain protocols can be overlooked. This still does not give you and/or your child to behave so blatantly obnoxious as to be spreading clear across the booth where his feet are over on my side of the world. Seriously, have you no shame. And when you did finally notice that your child was sprawled across the booth, could you have at least acknowledged his rudeness and apologized to us for invading our space?

Mind you, I did think strongly about encouraging my child to poke those feet that were encroaching on our space more and more by the second. I only decided not to do this because I didn't have a clean fork on the table that could replace the one she was using. I really did not relish the thought of having to wait for a new fork to find its way to my table. This is the only thing that saved your child's legs today.

Sitting her now, though, I wish it had occurred to me to have her "spill" a bit of her ooey gooey syrup onto the booth beside her. No matter that his legs were right there in the way and would certainly fall prey to the sticky goo. Lucky for you --- I didn't think of that at the restaurant because believe me when I say ... I WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT.... or perhaps I would have accidentally knocked her tea over onto his legs. If only the thought had come to me before... SIGH!!!

What The...

Okay - I don't usually use my site as a forum to deal with issues in the news. However, I came across this article today that really has me reeling. I won't reprint the entire article here, just a few highlights. To read the entire piece, visit the link by clicking on the article's title.

Boston Hack Almost Takes Blame For Forgotten Child

"BOSTON – A family picked up by a taxi at the airport left a sleeping 5-year-old child behind in the back of the minivan — and the cabbie almost took the blame for it."

"Minutes later, Cohen got a call from the cab pool at the airport. State police, who have jurisdiction over Logan, were looking for him."

"The following day, Cohen was ordered to report to the Hackney unit, where police told him his license was being suspended for three days because he didn't do a thorough check of the van."

" "I think the sad piece here is that the police are not recognizing the responsibility of the adults and are now saying this driver also has to be responsible for passengers who forget their children," said Donna Blythe-Shaw, a staff representative for the United Steelworkers Boston Taxi Drivers Association."

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Seriously now - who is responsible for that child being left in that taxi?

Where does the real fault lie?

Those parents are very lucky that they left their child with an honest person and not a predator. I understand being tired after a long trip, but this type of incident rakes my nerves to the highest. There was more than one adult responsible for that child. Somebody should have noticed that they were leaving something very important behind BEFORE they got in their house.

Mom-dom Has Arrived

My house has dissolved into a state of Mom-dom today.

Most of you know by now that I am a rather flexible and relaxed parent. I encourage my children to play in the mud. I have very few rules and restrictions, most of which are safety oriented. I allow my children to lead the way on most trips to the store, following them through aisle after useless aisle for 30 minutes to an hour just to buy a box of cereal that was located right by the entrance. I am what you might call child-oriented in my day-to-day life. I don't mind taking time to let them explore the aisles as long as they aren't grabbing things off the shelves. This is a well known expectation in our home.

I decided today that we would spend some time at our favorite location just down the road. I packed up the computer, dressed the girls, moved the car seats and piled everybody into the car. Our first stop was Kroger to get a couple of cheap Lunchables for the girls to snack on. It was a simple trip, but the girls wanted to roam the store. We roamed back to the fish case where they both pretended to eat all the fish steaks and crab legs. Then we wandered over to the case where the Lunchables live. They each picked out their snack, and we carried on to roam around the freezer case. Of course we wound up near the cakes and cookies...

Both girls ran over a grabbed a pack of cupcakes, turning the package upside down to get a better look. I told them no cupcakes and made sure the damage was not severe. We carried on towards the checkout. Marisa grabbed something else and got a soft swat on the bottom. Marisa took exception to this and began wailing loudly. Mind you, she's still in diapers. A spanking on her bottom is never even felt.

We proceed to the checkout. The store marketing team is quite clever. They put chocolate in EVERY SINGLE AISLE right by the registers. Marisa determined right then and there that she needed chocolate right then and there. I, being a bit near the end of my rope, told her that there would be no chocolate today. I was very calm and quiet when I told her no, but she just does not like being told "no."

Marisa took exception to this and began wailing loudly about how hungry she was. There was a woman near the end of the aisle watching the whole scene with that knowing look of a mother who has been through this a time or two with her own kids. She gave me a gentle smile. I gave her a smile with a bit of rolling eyes. I ushered Marisa over to the counter and away from the chocolate that she was gazing at with the forlorn look of a puppy who hasn't been fed in days and sees the bacon through the glass that can't be breeched. (You know this look...)

Kira chose this moment to begin crying. To be honest with you, I have no idea what Kira's issue was. She was complaining about having to stand by the counter. The woman directly behind us was "crowding" us. The cashier was dealing with a huge stack of coupons. I was being very patient and calmly explained to the girls that we would only be a few more minutes and I needed them to stop crying.

They cried louder.

I took a deep breath.

I said to myself as I'm looking around at the people in my vicinity ---

"Self, whatever you do at this very moment will determine what happens the next time you walk into a store with these two children."

I recalled a discussion that Randall and I had just a week or so ago about giving warnings and following through. At this point, I had not actually "warned" either of the children. I had asked them to quiet down. I had reminded them of my expectations for their behavior in the store. I determined that at their age, they are old enough to understand that their actions have consequences and that these particular actions are not acceptable to their mom.

I took a deep breath. I gathered my dignity. I took both girls by the hand. I apologized profusely to the cashier and explained that I would be leaving now without buying the two Lunchables on the counter. (He was still busy with those coupons.)

The girls really began crying at this point, as they both realized what this action of mine truly meant.

We walked to the car. I buckled them in. I brought them home.

There will be no sandbox today.

I made them both sit on the floor at the foot of my bed. I gave them their "snack trays" and fixed their lunch. (Not Lunchables... ) They ate their food in relative silence. Marisa declared she was done and ready to play, only to be met by my stern Mom-dom gaze with my declaration that she would sit by her tray until I was done with her being there. She crawled back to her allotted space with tears rolling down her cheeks.

After both girls finished their paltry meals, I removed their shoes and socks in preparation for bed. Kira went off to the bathroom while I settled Marisa into the bed. I gave Marisa a short speech to remind her why she was in trouble and that I still love her no matter what. I rolled up the extra quilt that lives on our bed and placed it in the middle of the bed. I told Marisa that she was not to cross the quilt.

Kira finished in the bathroom and I gave her the same type of speech as Marisa had just received. I reminded her what behavior is acceptable and why we were now in the state of Mom-dom. I directed her to crawl into my bed. I also gave her the same directions with regards to that rolled up quilt.

I couldn't stop there, though. Oh no - this is TOTAL MOM-DOM MODE.

I instructed Marisa to roll onto her side and face Daddy's lamp.

I instructed Kira to roll onto her side and face Mommy's lamp.

Then I turned out the lights and vacated the room.

Amazingly, there was not one single protest...

One last thought that I need to add. I really hate Mom-dom. I hate having to be harsh and dole out punishments of this nature. It would have been so much easier for me to just go on with my plans and take them to play. That was what I really wanted to do - move on to the next stage of the day and let the horrid scene of the grocery store fade away.

Easier is not always better.

Where Is the Value in This?

I've read several articles lately about parents who send their teenage child to stand on the side of a road with a sign of some sort that details all the evils of said child and his or her behaviors. One such article was with regards to a kid who had poor grades in school. One was a kid who had been caught in some sort of minor criminal activity. The parents felt that making the child stand on the road with their sign would somehow change the child's undesirable behaviors.

It's been a while since I saw one of these articles, but the image has stuck with me. I believe I have to address this before I can let it go within my own mind.

I wonder what brings a parent to believe that this is a good idea. What will be accomplished from this type of punishment?

Well, for starters, the child will be thoroughly humiliated. People will drive by and stare at the child. They will laugh at the child. They may even taunt the child. The child will be embarrassed and probably angry and hurt.

Where is the lesson in this?

The child learns that behaviors that are unacceptable will be met with other behaviors that are - or at least should be - unacceptable.

The child learns that it's okay to laugh at somebody who has failed to meet the expectations of others.

What the child does not learn is the value of good grades or good behavior. The parents teach their child that if the child does not meet certain expectations, the child will be subjected to the world to be stared at, laughed at and taunted.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think parents should be involved in their child's life. I also think there are times that a child needs an extreme level of discipline. However, intentionally setting a child up for blatant humiliation just seems inappropriate to me. The child may choose to adhere to whatever stipulations have been given in order to avoid future humiliation, but at what cost? The parents lose so much more than they gain when they resort to this type of punishment. They lose their child's trust. They lose their child's confidence. They most likely lose a great deal of respect, if they ever had any to begin with.

I do believe that parents who resort to this type of discipline should stand beside their child with their own sign that displays all the ways that they have failed as parents, because quite frankly, if a parent needs to resort to such public humiliations just to get their child's attention then they have certainly failed as a parent.

There - I feel better now. I can move on.