Topic of Discussion

Over the past few weeks, it has become increasingly obvious to me that there is an important topic of discussion that is often overlooked within the family realm. I know I'm somewhat sensitive about this right now, and even recognize my own failings in discussing this with my own children.

"What topic is this?", you ask. Handicaps and disabilities in others.

Kira, as I'm sure you know, travels in a wheelchair whenever we go out. On our many outings I've noticed a distressing lack of respect from the general population. Adults and children alike stare openly at the marvel of a 4 year old child in a cast and wheelchair. Prior to this experience, I had been blessedly oblivious to this open display of plain ole rudeness. Quite frankly, it never occurred to me that this would be an issue that I would encounter. My kids have grown up around disabled adults, as did I, so wheelchairs and other obvious displays of disabilities have always been a part of our lives. It's nothing new, so I never realized how unusual the prospect might be for others.

Now, granted, it does not bother me so much when a young child is staring at my child sitting in a wheelchair. I understand the novelty and the unexpected nature of such a discovery. Children are naturally curious and rarely find themselves confronted with the realities of their own weaknesses. So when a child to come face to face with another child in such an obviously limiting situation, it's to be expected that they might find themselves being overly observant.

From one parent to another, I would like to encourage you to discuss with your children the reality of disabilities in other children and the proper protocol that should be observed when coming in contact with those children. Below is a list of issues that I feel you should discuss with your child.

-- Explain to your child that it is perfectly okay to talk to a child that has an obvious disability. They won't break and their disability is most likely not contagious.

-- Teach your child not to stare at a disabled person. Talk to him about the different types of disabilities and what may cause them. Make sure he understands that there are people in the world with disabilities and how disconcerting it is for them to be constantly stared at (or approached with blatantly rude questions).

-- Teach your child that while it is okay to be friendly and play, it is not okay to mess with whatever equipment the child may have to assist him with his disability. For example, playing with the wheelchair is not okay. Playing with the child is.

-- Set a good example. This is my sincerest complaint. As a parent, I know that the people coming in contact with me are curious about why my child is in this glaringly obvious cast and being pushed along in a wheelchair. As a stranger, I feel very affronted and insulted by "well meaning" individuals who approach me and beg for information regarding my child's situation. Quite frankly, if you (the stranger) needed to know what my family's issues were - then you would already know. No matter how you disguise it, asking me what happened is rude and disrespectful. If I volunteer the information, then I've opened the floor for further discussion, but to just walk up to me in a restaurant or other public area and start drilling me about my child and her injuries is unacceptable. (Okay - rant over.)

-- Teach your child about service animals. A dog that is in the service of a person is not for petting and playing. Make sure your child understands that these animals should not be approached and/or petted (unless invited by the owner) because it distracts the animal from the job they are trying to do. This is true whether the owner be an adult or a child.

One last thing --- if you happen across a child with a disability, take a moment to say hi to the parent(s) if they seem to be approachable. It is very difficult to go out in public with a disabled child knowing what type of environment you are entering. People either openly stare or openly avoid looking at you. Take a moment to be kind. Trust me when I say - it is HARD trying to maintain "normal" with a disabled child. Everything is much more complicated, even just getting in and out of the car. Make it worth the time and effort by extending a bit of friendship.